THE TEN COMMANDMENTS FOR A SUCCESSFUL AND GROWING MARRIAGE RELATIONSHIP Written by Bob Ray, III Pastor, Hillside Baptist Church Alvarado, TX 1. Thou shalt not negatively criticize your spouse or give unsolicited constructive criticism! Too many times, couples find it easy to criticize one another after living together for a long time. We grow comfortable with our mates and find small imperfections that beg our comments. God's word says, "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs" (Ephesians 4:29). It is important that we guard our lips, or we may find our lips fattened! 2. Thou shalt not tease your spouse, in public or in private! I have noticed how some couples enjoy teasing each other. These seemingly harmless jokes can tear at the fabric of a good marriage. "Nor should there be...foolish talk, or coarse joking, which are out of place..." (Ephesians 5:4). "Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing" (Proverbs 12"18). We should take every opportunity to praise and compliment our spouses. 3. Thou shalt always show your spouse physical affection! I have known couples who have been married for years who rarely hold hands, kiss each other, or find themselves sitting closely together. God gave us lips to kiss and hands to hold. "Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth, for your love is more delightful than wine." (Song of Songs 1:2) May your spouse know the intoxicating effects of your physical affections. 4. Thou shalt always tell your spouse you love them, at least once a day! I have also known couples who have been married for years who have rarely said the words, "I love you." We should make it a priority to utter those sweetest of words. Solomon knew the value of saying "I love you". If you had as many wives as he had, you'd understand why he said: "Hatred stirs up dissention, but love covers over all wrongs." (Proverbs 10:12) 5. Thou shalt always listen to your spouse when they speak to you, even if you do not feel like doing so! I learned a long time ago that the greatest gift I could give my wife was my listening ear. Listening means you care. "Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak." (James 1:19) 6. Thou shalt always give your spouse the benefit of the doubt! A good marriage involves trust, trusting that your mate wants what's best for you. As Paul said, "Love...always trusts, always hopes." (I Corinthians 13:7) 7. Thou shalt always fight fair! How to fight fair: don't let your feelings build up, set a time and place to fight, don't talk when you are angry, don't bring up past problems, come up with solutions, and finally, always kiss and make up. "A hot-tempered man stirs up dissension but a patient man calms a quarrel." (Proverbs 15:18) 8. Thou shalt always tell your spouse how you feel; never hold your feelings inside! Men are notorious for holding in their feelings, while women are notorious for making their husbands guess at what they're thinking. We are to share our feelings. "Carry each other's burdens." (Galatians 6:2) 9. Thou shalt always offer to help your spouse! In God there is no such thing as "women's work" or "men's work", in regards to chores. One of the sexiest things a man can do for his wife is wash the dishes. We are called to "serve one another in love," (Galatians 5:13) 10. Thou shalt always give and never take! Marriage is not a 50-50 proposition. It is a !00% commitment to the health and welfare of your mate. As Jesus said, "It is more blessed to give than to receive." (Acts 20:35)